The Story Of Regrettable Woman

I am a woman. I have known it for so long. But I thought I have denied it so long. I tried to hide it, the feeling of denying myself as a woman, but I can't. I am a 27-years old woman and inside I still feel that I am 18, maybe. I still watch cartoons, I still arguing the ideal me, still can't figure what kind of guy that I would marry someday. For everybody surround me, it's kind of lazing around. But in fact, sometime I can be as diligent as hell, but people are different, you know. Different person, different luck. Others can have luck with small efforts. I, on the other hands, when I was in middle and high school I was never lazing around. My friends that have natural-high IQ level, they maybe studied less than me to understand a subject. For the same subject. I might be studying for about three times or four times long.

And here I come, in this time, this place, this dimension, fail in my university. Just got luck can be in one of the biggest and best university in the country. Everybody was cheering for me. But not all is good. I was hardly can communicate with my pals. I don't know. I was wondering, was it because I was lack of social skills? But I was quite active in high school, everybody just know me for my stupid act. I may end up giving up. But that's not my character at all. I'm easy to get bored by something. And one of this time, I can get bored easily. My story....truthfully, it can be fit into a huge roman. A roman of a regrettable woman. What about your story?

The Bittersweet : Is it that bitter or is that sweet?

A nice question. Indeed. Why I never recognized how mixed and changing our feeling is. I often think when doing laundry service (for my own clothes, absolutely). I have my bittersewwt moments right now...but who knows what will happen in tomorrow :)

The First Bitter Story

Hey, let me introduce myself. I'm Tina, 26 years old woman. And honestly, I haven't posted this blog since a hundred years ago. For these long time, I have been quite happy with my life. That's euphimism of quite sad for the rest. How can I come up with this such elegic phrase? "My Bitter Story"? Well, I have been doubtful about my own life happiness. I've been questioning about being cheerful, but inside dreadful. I've also been in the circumstances where people tell me "you should be more happy". But in the end, I'm just as melancholic, lamenting girl as I was.
My first bitter story is my failure as a person. I could have been a full person of my own. But because of my strict thoughts as a good Muslim and Asian girl, I should always obey whatever will be come to me, as long as it is my parents' decision. And this first bitter stories started here. Well, at least now I know that my life is my own responsibility. I was mistakenly taking everything as my parents decision. Well, that was my own.
Secretly, I am always lamenting this kind of failure. If I bring it on conversation, my mother will always laments about it too. And my father, as always, implicitly blame me for it and then try to motivate me with his gentle words. But it never changes me.
I write this kind of blog not to lament about myself, but to figure out what's the meaning of life, and why we come up with the idea of our bitter self, why don't we just accept all this misery as somewhat part of life. Why it is very hard to accept life as it is-as reality that we see.
Well, that's all I can share to you. What about you? Do you have any bitter story?